You Had A Better Christmas Than This Guy Who Died Trying To Blow Up A Condom Machine With A Homemade Bomb

BBC- A German man died on Christmas Day after blowing up a condom dispenser with a homemade bomb in a botched robbery, police say. The 29-year-old and two accomplices attached the bomb to the vending machine in a quiet street before taking cover in their vehicle. But the victim did not close the door in time and was struck in the head by a steel shard from the explosion. His accomplices took him to hospital but he later died of his wounds. The men told staff at the hospital in the western town of Schoppingen that their unconscious friend had fallen down the stairs. But one of them later admitted to police that they had blown up the machine. Police confirmed that none of the money or condoms from the machine had been taken. The two surviving men were arrested before later being released from custody. 

How’d your Christmas go?  Pretty good, yeah? Ate some good food, hung out with family, stayed sorta drunk for 96-hour stretches, opened tons of gift cards because everybody is too lazy to buy real gifts anymore, etc. Pretty solid Christmas.  Well even if your Christmas was a total disaster where you blacked out super hard and pissed on your aunt’s carpet in front of everyone it was still better than this guy’s Christmas. Not sure what bad life breaks you have to endure to find yourself trying to rob a condom machine on Christmas day but that’s exactly what was going on here. And not only did the plan not work but the guy died. He died trying to blow up a condom machine on Christmas day. Not exactly an honorable death. I do hope in my heart of hearts that the other two guys are career criminals.  That way when they’re telling stories with their other criminals about friends they lost in the line of duty they have to tell the condom machine story. Everybody is talking about how they lost friends during bank heists and train robberies (definitely not a thing anymore) these two have to be like, “Yeah this one time we tried to rob a condom machine and lost a man. Sad.”